101
by SunlightOnTheWater
Summary: Lennox thought he was running a military base, not a babysitting service. 101 things the Autobots don't understand about Earth. Chapter Eight- The Super Soldier, Wushi pinky hold, and Night Terrors
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: I own nothing but Briley and Kinsey! Enjoy

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**1. Twizzlers**

"What's a twizzler?"

"It's licorice," Lennox tried to explain. "A candy company called Hershey mass produces them and send them in packages all over the country."

"But what's the _point_ of it?" Ratchet asked. William Lennox tried not to sigh. He had signed up to join a military facility, not a babysitting club.

"It's candy," Epps called helpfully. "There's no point besides eating it. And that it's better than the black stuff."

"Is not," Briley called, adding her two cents to the pot.

"Regardless it's just candy," Lennox said, exasperation leaking into his tone. "it's something to snack on, not a weapon of mass destruction or a rope."

"But that's illogical," Ratchet complained. "Why would it look like a rope if it isn't?" Lennox let out a loud, exasperated sigh and threw his hands up in the air before stalking off.

"Watch it Hatchet," Jazz said between snickers. "You're starting to sound like Prowl."

**2. Google Translate**

"So what's the point of this translator anyway?" Ironhide grumbled. "Why can't you just learn the language instead of depending on a machine."

"Because it takes years to learn to say something in a language that a computer can translate in fifteen minutes," Kinsey snapped. It was two in the morning and the red head was quickly running out of patience.

"But your machines are sometimes unreliable," Ironhide protested.

"And yours aren't?" Kinsey asked skeptically.

"Never," Ironhide said.

"Wheeljack?" Kinsey drawled sourly.

"When they're released to the general public," Ironhide said, sounding embarrassed.

"Not all of us can simply download another language and speak it," Briley spoke up from the door, rubbing her eyes. "Now tone it down in here. Some of us are trying to sleep."

**3. Colored Duct Tape**

"Even I understand the merit of duct tape," Ironhide complained. "But why does it have to come in colors?"

"You're just fussing because we had to use pink duct tape to patch you up to get you back to Ratchet," Briley said, waving away his complaints.

"He brings up a good point," Ratchet said. "Why are there different colors when silver works just as well?"

"Why does it even matter?" Epps asked as Fig began muttering in Spanish and Briley put her head in her hands.

"Because it doesn't make sense ta us," Jazz pointed out and the humans groaned.

"Just because," Briley snapped. "Happy now?"

"No," Ironhide grumbled.

"Good," Briley snapped. "We don't know, all right? Now can you all shut up?" The rest of the flight back home was taken in complete silence.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Wow! Thanks to _Arienhod_, _MissShelz_, _Rose' _, _Noella50881_, _Lynn Jones_, _XXSunstreaker'sXXLoveXX, DragonCrazed, bluebutterflywitch_, and _Riptide2_ for reviewing the last chapter! To all of you who submitted reviews with ideas-Thank you so much and they'll probably show up on this sooner or later! I own nothing but Kinsey, Summer, and Briley

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**4. Nyan Cat**

It started with a cell phone ringtone. It was Epps phone and one of his daughters had gotten ahold of it. It now rang with annoying high pitched meows. "For the sake of what sanity we have left shut it off!" Briley complained, covering her ears.

"What is it?" Jazz asked a Briley groaned.

"Nyan Cat," Summer answered, realizing that no one else was going to answer.

"It's a YouTube video," Kinsey added, trying to be helpful.

"For goodness sake!" Briley snapped, throwing her hands in the air. "It's a Poptart with a cat head, legs, and tail."

"Nyan Cat?" Lennox asked and when Briley nodded he groaned. "For some reason Annabelle is infatuated with it. After a minute and a half I feel like shooting the computer."

"I'm sorry," Epps protested. "My daughters got ahold of my phone yesterday night."

"But what is it?" Jazz asked again. Briley groaned but headed for the computer pulling it up. A moment later the annoying music came through the speakers again. They sat there in silence for a moment before Jazz admitted, "I don't get it."

"Neither do I," Briley said with a shrug, shutting it off.

**5. Psychiatric Help**

Ratchet's question came when one of the soldiers had left base due to a mental breakdown. A report had come from General Morshower then telling everyone the man was receiving psychiatric help and would not be returning. What psychiatric help was exactly seemed to have eluded the Autobot medic. "It's where you go see a psychologist?" Lennox said unhelpfully. Lately he had been muttering about buying a good pair of earplugs so he wouldn't have to deal with the questions.

"And what is a psychologist?" Ratchet asked patiently.

"Someone who studies psychology," Lennox said. He was doing his level best to be as unhelpful as possible.

"Psychology is the study of how the human mind works," Briley spoke up, shooting a glare at Lennox. "A psychologist is someone who specializes in psychology."

"Psychiatric help is getting help for a mental condition or disorder," Epps added. "Conner was suffering from PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. That's why he's getting psychiatric help."

"I don't understand why he can't just fix the problem himself," Ratchet said after a moment.

"The human mind is a complex thing Doc," Epps said, turning back to his laptop. "There's only two people who know how it works; Psychologists and God."

**6. The Middle Finger Salute**

It was one of those things they hadn't expected but definitely should have. The members of NEST had spent the day training and as the heat rose to almost unprecedented temperatures tempers had begun to snap. That had led to foul language and Ironhide learning something new. When the robot did it Lennox snapped, "What the heck are you doing that for?" Briley's face went stone cold, KInsey's jaw dropped, Summer gaped, and Epps was almost rolling on the floor laughing.

"Seriously?" Summer asked after a moment. "Now we have an alien robot flipping people off?"

"I don't understand," Ironhide said and Briley sighed in exasperation.

"Of course you don't," she said. "Just don't do that, okay?" Then she turned and stalked off in the direction of the lounging soldiers. Kinsey trailed after her, dragging Summer to see the show.

"Okay," Ironhide said, sounding confused. Epps decided to take pity on the mech since Lennox was fishing in his pockets for headache medicine.

"It isn't a good greeting," Epps explained. "It basically means screw you, except using fouler language." Ironhide still looked confused and Epps fished for a better way to explain it. "It's like swearing with one of the worst words you can think of as a greeting."

"Oh," Ironhide said. "My apologies Captain Lennox."

"No problem," Lennox said faintly, still searching for headache medicine.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: First off I'd like to say that I've started a blog. If you want to go to sunlightonthewater. blogspot .com and take a look at the posts and on the poll. Thanks to _MissShelz,Noella50881_ (good comparison!), _Minimus Prime_ (good suggestions!), _Arienhod_ (That would definitely confuse them!), _bluebutterflywitch_, _DragonCrazed_ (I'll work on that!), _a Wiccan_, _Riptide2_ (good to know Jazz and I aren't the only ones who don't get Nyan Cat!), _Lynn Jones_ (Lennox suddenly has more kids than just Annabelle. He's gonna need a lot of headache meds), _XXSunstreaker'sXXLoveXX, _Anonymous, _I Am Blueberry (_glad I could make you laugh!), _Jazz's lil ninja, _and _Remember__theMuse_ for reviewing the last chapter!

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**7. Lord Of The Rings**

Movie night at the nest base was normally one of the more sane events of the week. This week, however, it was a patented disaster. "Why don't they just blast the ring?" Ironhide grumbled.

"Wrong time period," Sam spoke up before one of the others could, snippily, field the question. "They don't have guns yet."

"Then melt it down," Wheeljack suggested and Briley let out an exasperated sigh.

"They already said you can't melt it down," she snipped.

"But that's illogical," Wheeljack complained. "Any metal can be melted down at a hot enough temperature."

"But this is _magic_," Mikaela said, sounding torn between exasperation and amusement. "It doesn't have to obey the laws of science."

"There's no such thing as magic," Prowl spoke up. "It's just unexplained silence."

"Ah'm tryin' ta enjoy the movie," Jazz spoke up suddenly. "Will y'all just shut up so Ah can hear?" Dead silence. The only sound that could be heard for the next few minutes was Mikaela's sporadic repressed giggles.

Then: "It's still illogical though."

"Shut up Wheeljack!" everyone said hastily, hoping to keep Prowl from glitching over a movie.

**8. The Song That Never Ends**

"It's impossible for a song to just go on forever," Prowl snapped. Annabelle had been singing "The Song That Never Ends" for an hour and a half straight before Sarah Lennox had come to pick her up. Now Will was stuck with a complaining Prowl. "There has to be an end to it."

"There isn't," Lennox said, glaring at his pen that had now decided to run out of ink while he was in the middle of important paperwork. He sighed and began digging in his desk drawer for another. "It just loops back around to where you started therefore it never actually ends." There was a long pause and then a massive thud. Lennox sighed and pulled out his cell phone, calling Ratchet's number from his speed dial. "You might want to come down here," he said. "Prowl just glitched again."

"What about this time?" Ratchet snapped.

"The Song That Never Ends," Lennox said, triumphantly seizing a new pen with one hand and hanging up with the other.

**9. Coffee ( or rather caffeine withdrawals)**

Most of the base was groggy and a little short tempered, at least on the human side of the base. The coffee maker was broken. Summer and Briley were the only ones not grouchy. "Why is everyone so far behind today?" Ratchet asked when Summer went by.

"Everyone is having caffeine withdrawals," Summer called and kept going, not wanting to get into a discussion about caffeine addictions with the health conscious medic.

Outside in the sunshine Briley was sitting with Jazz, Optimus, Ironhide, and Prowl for Lennox and Epps. Epps pulled himself in first and mumbled a half-hearted apology. Briley began to snicker as Epps promptly put his head in his arms and drifted into sleep. Lennox came in fifteen minutes later looking grouchy. "The coffee maker is broken," Briley explained between snickers at the Autobots mystified looks. "They haven't had their caffeine boost this morning." She could tell by their looks that they didn't understand but she was glad that for once they didn't ask and the meeting got underway so Lennox and Epps could go make their coffee stop at McDonalds.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Another chapter in what is looking to be a length story. Thanks to _MissShelz_ (I don't drink coffee but I have a friend who goes through withdrawals every once in a while), _Autobot-Bre_, my Anonymous reviewer, _Ariehod_ (LOTR magic is one of those things that makes sense until you think about it too much), _Noella50881_ (That would work! Or Mountain Dew), _bluebutterflywitch_ (It is funny, though you kind of feel bad for him), _Riptide2_ (If you think LOTR is bad wait til Star Wars shows up. Or Kung Fu Panda), _Jazz's lil ninja_ (both good ideas!), _MISCra__syaboutfanfics (_Definitely a good idea to use for several!), _Tatyana Witwicky_ (actually I am ashamed to admit I have no idea what you're talking about), _I am Blueberry_, _a Wiccan_, and _Dawn Racer_ (Glad you liked it!) for reviewing the last chapter! I own nothing but Briley and Aubree.

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**10. Mud**

It wasn't that the Autobots didn't understand mud. No; they understood that rain mixing with dirt created a sticky substance called mud that often resulting in Sunstreaker complaining about dirty paint. Rather they didn't understand the infatuation with it. They didn't understand why Annabelle always wanted to jump in mud puddles, why Mikaela had used on to drench both herself and Sam, or why the soldiers from Qatar always grinned when they saw mud puddles. It was left to Lennox to explain to love along with a little help from Epps.

"It's a combination of things," Lennox said to a disgusted Sunstreaker and an amused Sideswipe. "For Annabelle it's being told not to do something that makes it fun. For Mikaela and Sam it's just messing around."

"It's dirty though," Sunstreaker complained, whacking a laughing Sideswipe over the head. "Shut up glitch head!"

"What about you guys?" Sideswipe asked, rubbing the top of his helm and glaring at his twin. "It's like you all have a love affair with the stuff."

"We spent months in the desert with no rain getting shot at," Epps cut in. "Rain equals not Qatar and no giant alien scorpion coming out of the sand to attack us if you get my drift?"

"Got it," Sideswipe replied cheerfully, pulling his grumbling twin to his feet. "Come on Sunny. Let's go get cleaned off before you kill someone over your paint job!"

**11. Bugs Bunny**

"I know this defies the law of gravity but you see, I never studied law." The Autobots stared stupefied at the cartoon rabbit on the television screen. Well all of them but Prowl who glitched and fell to the floor with a terrific thud.

"How is he doing that?" Wheeljack asked after a moment.

"May the force be with you," Bumblebee quoted timidly.

"Wrong movie," Mikaela said with a grin at her friend. "This is just a kid's cartoon. They do illogical things all the time."

"A talking rabbit, a talking duck, and a walking shag carpet for a monster among other things," Sam mused. "It's a wonder that Prowl didn't glitch earlier."

"So you mean to say that just because you don't know about gravity doesn't really mean you can defy it?" Wheeljack interrupted, just to make sure.

"Exactly," Mikaela confirmed. Wheeljack let out a sigh of relief and Mikaela giggled.

"All right. Now who wants to take Prowl to Ratchet?" Sam asked, mentioning one of the only 'bots not present. "No volunteers? Big surprise."

**12. Tripping (Up things to be exact)**

The wailing rang out across the base at about the same pitch and noise level as one of the fire alarms that were often given a workout due to disagreements between certain Autobots. This was impressive due to the fact that the wailing was coming from Aubree, Briley's niece. Annabelle had been hoping for a playmate and since Aubree's mother was a lawyer on the NEST team's staff, and a necessity as it turned out, Aubree was the perfect choice. "Twipped up stairs," Annabelle explained, her cherub face worried.

Briley made her way out of the room and came back a moment later holding a sobbing Aubree. "Did you trip up the stairs?" A nod of affirmation from Aubree. "Are you hurt?" Aubree shook her head in denial, sobs slowing. "Do you want down?"

"Down," Aubree demanded with an affirmative nod, tears completely gone. Briley grinned and placed her niece on the ground where the little girl promptly ran off with Annabelle.

It was Jolt who asked what they were all thinking which was a surprise consider the fact that besides Bumblebee and Jazz, Jolt was one of the mechs who had adjusted to Earth culture the best. "How is that even possible?"

"What?" Briley asked, sounding genuinely confused.

"Tripping _up_ something."

"Oh," Briley said and she sounded suspiciously like she was trying not to laugh. "You catch your foot on the edge of a stair and bang into a one higher up. It's not a very efficient way of travel though." Then she made her escape so she wouldn't stop laughing at the bemused looks on the faceplates around her.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Thanks to _MissShelz_ (Too many for Prowl's sake), _Noella50881_ (well Ratchet needs someone to balance him out), _Designation Drift_, _Makkenna Witwicky, Autobot-Bre _(I think the crying depends on the kid), _Foxbear, _Guest (That is a good one!), _bluebutterflywit__ch_ (I've tripped up stairs too, along with flat surfaces...), _Alice__Sylvia, Riptide2_ (definitely!), _cobylori_ (good suggestion!), _I Am Blueberry_ (so do I!), and _Amelia _ for reviewing the last chapter! I own nothing but Briley

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**13. Alarm Clocks**

The alarm shrieked at its highest pitch in a vain attempt to rouse Sam Witwicky from his stone like slumber. A few minutes later after Sam had finally shut the thing up Bumblebee heard Judy Witwicky shriek, "SAM! YOU'RE LATE!" That led Bumblebee to question, why did Sam need something that would shriek annoyingly at him in an attempt to wake him up when his mother shrieked some much louder and was so much more effective at waking him up.

**14. Rubik's Cube**

"I can't solve it!"

"What is Epps going on about now," Briley mumbled, lifting her head up from the table and blinking bleary eyes. They were waiting for a report that was now four hours later (it was twenty minutes past midnight at the moment) and all were exhausted.

"What are you talking about?" Ironhide grumbled and Will managed to lift his head off his arms to see what Epps had thrown.

"That darn cube," Epps complained. "It's evil!"

"Up Epps," Briley mumbled. "Maybe you should lay off the caffeine and sugar for a bit."

"It hates me!"

"It isn't a sentinent being," Will moaned before dropping his head back in his hands.

"It hates me!" Epps continued ranting. "It's just sitting there half solved and as soon as I turn my back it'll be all messed up again. It's out to get me I tell you!"

_BOOM!_ All three humans and the Autobots in the main hanger jumped, twitched, or dove for cover at the huge explosion. "There," Ironhide said. "All fixed." Briley, Epps, and Lennox stared at the charred ashes. Lennox and Briley sighed then and put their heads back on the table.

"You KILLED IT!" Epps yelled after a moment.

"Oh shut up!" Briley moaned, covering her ears with her hands in a vain attempt to block out the noise.

"Now it's going to be taunting me in the afterlife," Epps moaned.

"Epps," Will said, his voice rough with exasperation. "It's just a Rubik's cube."

**15. Harry Potter**

"Why are they waving around sticks?" Ironhide grumbled.

"They're wands," Mikaela corrected. "They're used for magic."

"But the wizard in Lord of the Rings didn't have a wand," Bumblebee protested.

"That was a different movie universe," Sam said, rolling his eyes.

"You mean we have to adjust to different magic every time," Jazz whined.

"What are you complaining about?" Jolt asked. "It's not like something that simple would bother you?"

"Oh good grief," Will muttered under his breath. "Are any of you actually watching?"

"YES!" came the unanimous reply.

"Then can we please shut up so I can hear what's going on?" Will grumbled and the room quieted. They watched in silence until a few moments later;

"Are there really three headed dogs?" Wheeljack asked. Will just groaned.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: Thanks to _MissShelz_ (It was too good to pass up), _Amelia _ (You're about to find out), _MissMary_ (My little brother does that to me!), _Makkenna Witwicky _(Probably the next chapter or so), _Noella50881_ (Yup!), _JC, a Wiccan, bluebutterflywitch (_Let's say Epps doesn't need to discover Monster when caffeine makes him behave like that), _Autobot-Bre, NoNameGTFO (_Both good ideas), _Designation Dr__ift_ (They should probably lay off the human movies for a bit!), _n__arsilia, _Guest, _I Am Blueberry_ (Wheeljack is accidentally dangerous to society. LOL), _Riptide2_ (As long as she doesn't have a bat!), and _XXSunstreaker'sXXLoveXX_ (They are very evil) for reviewing the last chapter! I own nothing but Briley

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**16. The End of the World (**_**Again**_**)**

"Da world is endin'!" Mudflap yelled, driving in panicked circles while his twin stared at him as if he had grown a second head.

"What now?" Briley asked, exchanging an exasperated glance with Epps.

"Don' look at meh," Skids said, sounding just as confused as they are.

"Da world is endin' in December!" Mudflap snapped. "It's endin'!" The young Autobot was utterly confused when Epps started laughing and Briley smirked.

"The world isn't really ending," the woman explained with a roll of her eyes. "It's just the end of the Mayan calendar."

"Oh," Mudflap said, sounding suitably chastised while Skids started laughing at him.

**17. Slinkys**

It was a thin coil of metal or colorful plastic that "walked" down stairs, stretched, and ultimately became so twisted and tangled that it was worthless. It also had Annabelle and the Autobots completely fascinated. "If only everyone else was that easy to please," Epps whispered to Lennox with a snicker before going to take a call from the government official of the day who had his underwear in a knot.

It was Wheeljack who finally asked the all important question. "What is its purpose?"

"There is one?" Lennox asked back, arching an eyebrow and walking over to retrieve the cell phone from the now shouting Epps.

**18. Zombies**

Briley didn't remember what movie brought up the question and she didn't really care to. She had never really liked zombie movies anyway but Sam, Mikaela, several of the 'Bots, and a lot of the younger soldiers watched several of them. They had made the mistake of letting Prowl and Wheeljack watch one with them the night before. Prowl had glitched which resulted in Ratchet on a rampage, 'Bee hiding Sam and Mikaela, and Wheeljack asking question. Mikaela was trying explain zombies.

"How do they end up alive again?"

"Reanimated," Mikaela corrected. "Not alive. Sometimes it's magic and sometimes it's a bad grave or a disease."

"So you can't really know if there are going to be zombies or not?"

"For the sake of our sanity as a base stop right now," Briley cut in. "Zombies are not real."

"That's what you think," Sideswipe cut in and Briley glared at him. Moments later Ratchet came looking for the red twin.

"He went that way," she told the medic.

"Remind me never to tick her off," Mikaela told Sam then who nodded his head, eyes stunned.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: So my apologies for leaving you guys high and dry for a bit! I lost inspiration for a while and then got distracted... anyway sorry! Thanks to _Lynn Jones_ (So true!), _MissShelz_ (It seemed like something he would freak out about), _Designation Drift_ (No idea), _narsilia_ (Scarily enough there are people out in the world that are like that), _Jazz's lil ninja_ (dun, dun,dun), _MissMary_ (True about the slinky), _AccessBlade_ (Glad you like it!), _Riptide2_ (One where Wheeljack creates a zombie apocalypse...), _erika001_, _RintinDestiny_ (:D), _LegendOfJazz_, _XxShadowfangxX, Firestorm152_ (It's odd what things in life are entertaining), Guest (Thanks!), _Luna Uchiha666_ (Glad I'm portraying them right!), and _Smandaangel_ (Oh my goodness! That would be hysterical!) for reviewing the last chapter! I own nothing of Transformers you recognize.

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**19. "Bond, James Bond"**

"Hey, isn't that a commercial for the new Bond film?"

"Yeah," Mikaela said as her boyfriend dropped down on the couch next to her. "I heard it was really good." Bumblebee chirped inquisitively from behind them and a moment later Mikaela felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She pulled it out and opened the message.

_That's not the same person as the movie last night._

"No," Mikaela responded, tilting her head back to look 'Bee in the optics. "That was Sean Connery. The man that plays Bond now is Daniel Craig."

_Why do they change actors?_

"The men that play Bond get old," Mikaela said with a shrug. "They either retire or aren't a good fit or they move on to something else." Bumblebee nodded once and Mikaela smiled at the mech before turning back to the television.

**20. Infomercials**

"This channel has played the same segment four times in a row and is starting on the fifth. What is the point?"

"Huh?" Epps mumbled and then glanced up at the television, laughing when he saw what Wheeljack was watching. "Oh, that. You found the infomercial channel."

"Pardon?" Wheeljack asked, focusing fully on the human speaking to him.

"It plays just about twenty-four hours worth of commercials and normally shows each one for an hour at a time," Epps explained.

"But what's the point?" Wheeljack questioned. "Wouldn't a commercial that lasted this long and played over and over again prevent someone from buying the product?"

"That's what I thought too," Epps admitted. "But evidentially it works because infomercial channels still exist."

"Oh," Wheeljack said, going back to the television. Epps just shook his head and returned his focus to his paperwork.

**21. Dr. Seuss**

The sun was shining down on her and Annabelle was snuggled in her lap beaming up at her. Sarah Lennox smiled back at her daughter and opened the book set in front of them. "I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them Sam-I-Am."

"Green eggs and ham? Is that even healthy for you?" Sarah bit back a groan at the voice of the Autobots husband had warned her that the Autobots didn't understand certain aspects of human culture but she had shrugged it off as not being too bad. At this moment she was beginning to wonder if he hadn't been serious. "Generally isn't something rotting when it turns green?" Ratchet continued, some of the other Autobots taking notice of the conversation now as well.

"For goodness sake," Sarah said, sighing in exasperation. "It's Dr. Seuss, not a medical magazine."

"What?" Jolt questioned from his position a good distance away.

"Dr. Seuss," Sarah repeated with another exasperated sigh. "Theodore Gisel. He wrote children's books. They're not meant to make sense. Now for the sake of my sanity look them up instead of bothering me about them!"

Fifteen minutes later, just as Annabelle drifted off to sleep in her father's office chair, Will came walking in with a bemused look on his face. "Can you explain to me why the Autobots are all online reading Dr. Seuss books?"

"I was trying to read Annabelle a story," Sarah snapped, thoroughly fed up with the subject by that point.

"All right," Lennox said, lifting his hands up in surrender. "Sorry I asked." Then he ducked out of the office but Sarah could hear him snickering all the way down the hall.


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Note: Sorry for not updating in forever guys! Thanks to _RamenKnight_, _Makkenna Witwicky_ (infomercials are ridiculous!), _SJSGirl_ (Chances are there was mass confusion), _Starfire201_ (Yeah, if you didn't know was nonsense it would be easy to be freaked out), _1Timberwolf_, _Smandaangel_ (Totally a waste of time and channel space), and _Jazz Is My Lil Ninja_ for reviewing the last chapter! I own nothing of Transformers you recognize!

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**22. Captain America**

"How is that even possible? A person shouldn't physically be able to grow that much in ten minutes."

"What is it this time?" Will asked warily as Briley stalked out of the Autobot hanger he was about to enter.

"Captain America," she replied shortly. "They're trying to figure out how Steve Rodgers went from being a midget to being a supersoldier in the chamber. Wheeljack keeps throwing around some kind of scientific explanation and Ratchet keeps reminding him that it isn't actually possible."

"How long have they been at it?" Will asked, tempted to follow Briley back toward the human part of the base.

"Fifteen minutes," the woman replied. "I gave up any hope of actually see the rest of the movie ten minutes ago." Will sighed and watched her go for a moment before entering the hanger. Instantly everyone turned to look at him.

"Thank goodness you're here," Ratchet said. "Now please explain to this imbecile-" he motioned to Wheeljack "-that growing that much in a short period of time isn't possible." Will just turned on his heel and left the way he came, not willing to start up another headache inducing conversation after he'd just gotten over the last one.

As he left he could hear Epps shout in exasperation, "For goodness sake, it's a superhero movie! It doesn't _have_ to make sense! Now can we please just watch?"

**23. Kung Fu Panda**

This movie night Sam and Mikaela had settled on a children's cartoon, hoping that they could get through an entire movie without a great debate over what was going on, and mostly they had been successful until the end. "I'm not _a_ big fat panda; I'm _the_ big fat panda."

"Why would he be proud of that?" a voice asked and Mikaela tried not to groan.

"And when did he become such a good fighter?"

"Since he learned the secrets of the dragon scroll," Sam told Sunstreaker, sensing his girlfriend's patience was running low. "And because if he says it no one can mock him with that fact," he added a moment later, answering Sideswipe's question. "Now hush and watch."

It all went fine until the wushi finger hold. "Did Shifu teach you this?"

"No. I kind of figured it out for myself."

"Whoa! Hold up!" Mikaela growled under her breath but Sam just sighed and obligingly paused the movie.

"What is it?" he asked the culprit who was, surprisingly, Jazz.

"How can he just _figure it out_? That isn't really possible with martial arts moves."

"He knows the secret of the dragon scroll," Sam said as patiently as he could manage.

"That shouldn't matter," Jazz began to argue.

"He's the Dragon Warrior, _all right_?" Mikaela snapped suddenly. "Now can you all shut your traps so we can finish the last five minutes of the movie in peace?"

**24. Night Terrors**

Annabelle wailed from inside the house like she was being torn apart. In car form down below, Ironhide rocked on his axles nervously. He could hear her hoarse sobbing and saw a light flicker on. The slim form of Sarah Lennox entered the room and he could hear through the open window her attempts to rouse Annabelle who simply continued to wail and sob. Finally, after fifteen minutes of the agonizing sound, Annabelle woke and Sarah scooped the girl up in her arms. That was about the same time Will came out on to the back step looking exhausted.

"Sarah said you were out here," he said by way of introduction. Ironhide blinked his headlights once in acknowledgement, still watching the window, and heard Will yawn in response. After a moment Annabelle's sobs faded away.

"What happened?" Ironhide asked after Sarah turned the light off and vanished from view, still holding Annabelle.

"Night terrors," Will explained. "Some young children get them. They're nightmares the brain comes up with and you can't rouse someone from them. Sarah and I both had them so it was likely Annabelle was going to get them too. She'll grow out of them." Then obviously too tired to answer any other questions, Will turned and stumbled back into the house.


End file.
